Most now agree that there are different types of “intelligence.” As my Dad would say – “People are different kinds of smart.” Employers are finding that a person’s ability to navigate the increasingly complex social structures of our world (EQ) is more valuable than just about any other skill or knowledge base. What did Jesus teach us about emotional intelligence?
Jesus and Emotional Intelligence
There is little doubt that Jesus had a high IQ. He was able to hold his own in an intellectual debate over spiritual matters with some of the most learned theologians of his day – even at the age of twelve! (Luke 2:47). He was able to think fast on his feet, proven by any one of a number of confrontations he had with his enemies (Matt. 12:3, 26; Mark 2:17; 3:4; Luke 11:39).
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” — Leo Buscaglia
But even more important than Jesus’ intellectual abilities was his ability to draw people in and have deep, meaningful, and impactful relationships with them. The Scripture says of his maturation that he “grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man” (Luke 2:52). In other words, he had strong, healthy relationships with all those he loved and with God.
Four Essential Aspects of Emotional Intelligence
In a high-IQ job pool, soft skills like discipline, drive, and empathy mark those who emerge as outstanding.” — Daniel Goleman
Here are four things Jesus teaches us about developing our Emotional Intelligence?
1. Emotional Intelligence starts with Self-Awareness
Jesus was self-aware. He drew his understanding of who he was and what he was on earth to accomplish from his intimate relationship with God (John 14:10). He was unashamed of who he was created to be (John 4:10; 6:35; 10:11; 14:6). He celebrated his strengths and constantly worked on his weaknesses.
The first step in developing a strong EQ is to spend time alone with God asking Him to reveal the person you were created to be and the mission you were created to accomplish on earth.
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” — Carl Jung
Knowing and understanding yourself – how others perceive you, why you do things the way you do them, what your weaknesses and strengths are – gives you confidence in relating to those around you.
2. Emotional Intelligence depends on Self-Motivation
Jesus was a self-starter. At the age when he would begin an apprenticeship in his Father’s craftsman shop, he was feeling a desire to go a different way. Even at the age of twelve, he wanted to take charge of his life (Luke 2:49). It wasn’t time yet – but, Jesus felt ready to start.
No one forced Jesus to go to the cross. He could have easily escaped from Jerusalem. This was certainly on his mind when he prayed to God in the Garden of Gethsemane. The Garden is located at the top of the Mt. of Olives – the perfect escape route into the wilderness of Judah. In fact, Jesus said of his own life, “No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord” (John 10:18). Jesus was self-motivated.
The emotionally intelligent person is always seeking to improve themselves – always taking a hard look at themselves – always seeking constructive criticism from others – always striving for better relationships. This requires an incredible amount of emotional energy. No one can make you do it. It has to come from within. You have to want it. You have to be self-motivated.
3. Emotional Intelligence focuses on Managing Emotions
Any person capable of angering you becomes your master.” — Epictetus
Jesus was a master at managing his emotions. He experienced every emotion we experience (Heb. 4:10), but was able to manage those emotions in a positive direction, avoiding a sinful abuse of those emotions.
One day a group of religious leaders brought Jesus a woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11). They asked if she should be stoned. Jesus bent down and began to write something on the ground. There has been much speculation as to what he wrote on the ground. We don’t know. The gospel writer didn’t feel it was important enough to tell us. Perhaps that’s because what he wanted us to see was not what he was writing, but that fact that he was writing on the ground.
Maybe Jesus was writing on the ground as a way of managing his emotions. He wanted to tear into these religious hypocrites, but instead, he managed his emotions and after distracting himself by writing on the ground he was able to answer calmly and wisely – in a way that shut them up!
The truth is, Jesus felt happy, angry, sad, disappointed, discouraged, frustrated, indignant, fearful, loving, curious, and overwhelmed, just to name a few. The problem, therefore, is not that we feel these things (to feel them is normal), but how we respond to them.
The emotionally intelligent person is able to experience an emotion, recognize what they are feeling, and not feel the need to respond to it right away.
4. Emotional Intelligence thrives on Empathy
No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.” — Theodore Roosevelt
Jesus had an uncanny ability to recognize other people’s feelings. The Scripture says that Jesus knew what people were thinking (Mark 2:8; 12:15; Luke 6:8). I don’t think this was some supernatural power. I think Jesus had a heightened awareness of people’s body language, facial expressions, tone of voice – he could “look into their eyes.”
The more self-aware you are of your own feelings, thoughts, motivations, and actions, the more aware you will be of the feelings, thoughts, motivations and actions of others. After all, we are all human and not that different.
The power of Emotional Intelligence is the ability to know and understand what other people are feeling – to know and care about others and what they are going through. And then to move to do something to help.
Jesus teaches us to work on our EQ just as diligently as we work on our IQ. In the end, it was not his brilliant mind that led him to the cross — it was his amazing heart!
