In this world of 24-hour news cycles, talking heads are constantly saying something that offends someone. News personalities, politicians, talk-show hosts – no one is immune. When you talk for a living it’s just a matter of time before you say the wrong thing. Some have been fired for it. Most end up apologizing for what they said. In most cases, apologizing is the right thing to do. However, here are four things you should not apologize for (to the outside world).
Jesus and Apologizing
Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift” (Matt. 5:23-24).
Jesus taught us to apologize when appropriate (Matt. 5:23-26).
There is no record of Jesus modeling this. There is no record of him explicitly apologizing for something he said or did. However, there were times when he reversed course – times when something made him decide he needed to rethink things and change direction. There may be an apology buried somewhere in these stories.
- Jesus’ mom wanted him to turn water into wine. He refused, then changed his mind and did it anyway.
- Jesus refused to heal a Canaanite woman’s daughter (simply because she was not one of “the lost sheep of Israel.” He even called her a “dog”), but then her amazing humility and show of faith made him reverse course (Matt. 15:21-29).
- Jesus said, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel” (Matt. 15:24), but then he spent time in Gentile country and allowed them to follow him (Luke 8:39; John 4:40-42).
I hear your objection. But if Jesus apologized it means he was wrong about something and I thought Jesus was sinless.
The Bible tells us that Jesus experienced everything we experience in life, except sin. In other words, he managed to navigate all of life’s up and downs – without sinning against God. Jesus experienced every temptation, every emotion, every sorrow that we experience, but he never sinned (Heb. 4:15).
So, we can assume that if it’s not a sin, Jesus experienced it.
Is it a sin to change your mind and reverse course? Is it a sin to say the wrong thing? I don’t think so. To make Jesus into a person who never changed his mind, never reversed course, never found himself overwhelmed is to miss the best part of Jesus – the fact that he was just like us – except without sin.
There are plenty of times when it is perfectly appropriate, and even morally essential, to apologize.
Four Things You Should NOT Apologize for
[NOTE: Our own spiritual limitations and the possibility of being wrong about even these four things should always give us a sense of humility. If anything we say or do (even these four) brings violence to others, then we have violated the first and primary command of Jesus to love God and others (Luke 10:27) and to treat others the way we would want to be treated (Matt. 7:12). In that case, an apology would be appropriate.]
There are, however, some things that Jesus never apologized for. Here are four things you should not apologize for.
1. Your Beliefs
“When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the sinners and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” (Mark 2:16).
Jesus and the Pharisees agreed on one thing – God wants us to be holy (set apart) and pure. They disagreed on how we get there. The Pharisees believed it was strict adherence to the Mosaic Law. Jesus believed it was grace and love (and that from God).
Frankly, the view of the Pharisees was the most popular view of First Century Judaism. Fortunately, Jesus didn’t stake his beliefs on public opinion polls.
The Pharisees hounded him, attacked him, and eventually crucified him because of their difference in belief. Jesus never backed down. He never apologized for what he believed.
Search your beliefs. Question them. Reflect deeply on them. Listen to wise voices. Wrestle with your beliefs. Make them your own. And never apologize for them.
2. Your Values
He said to them, “If any of you has a sheep and it falls into a pit on the Sabbath, will you not take hold of it and lift it out? 12 How much more valuable is a person than a sheep! Therefore it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath” (Matt. 12:11-12).
Jesus entered a synagogue on Sabbath and saw a man suffering from a shriveled hand. The Pharisees were watching to see if Jesus would break the Sabbath Law by healing the man. It was illegal to “work” on the Sabbath.
The religious code developed over several centuries explained what exactly qualified as “work.” It was pretty explicit. Healing was considered “work,” and prohibited except in the case where to do so would save the life of the person. This was clearly a case where the man’s life was not in imminent danger. If Jesus healed this man, he was making a statement about the efficacy of the Law.
Jesus said – you treat your animals better than you treat this man. He is suffering. Why not heal him? People are more important than the Law.
You decide. What are your values? What is of primary importance to you? Are there any values that you would be willing to fight for? Die for? Identify them. And then, never apologize for them.
3. Your Religious Practices
They said to him, “John’s disciples often fast and pray, and so do the disciples of the Pharisees, but yours go on eating and drinking” (Luke 5:33).
Fasting was one of the major spiritual disciplines of Jesus’ day. It was often used as a badge of spirituality. Jesus did not make it mandatory among his disciples. His religious program did not see fasting as an essential practice. He didn’t apologize for that.
Some worship on Sunday; others on Saturday. Some practice weekly observance of the Eucharist; others, less often. Some go to weekly confession; some confess directly to God.
No matter your faith tradition and the practices that you grew up with – the most important thing is that you understand why you are doing what you are doing and that it has deep spiritual meaning for you. Does it draw you closer to God? Does it reveal the Spirit of God? Then, don’t apologize for it.
4. Your Family
Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked. Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother” (Mark 3:33-35).
The Pharisees were plotting with other political leaders to arrest Jesus and get rid of him (Mark 3:6). When Jesus’ family heard about that, they came to him in an attempt “to take charge of him, for they said, ‘He is out of his mind’” (Mark 3:21).
In an ill-conceived plan to rescue Jesus, they apologized for him. Jesus rebuked his family by saying that a true family sticks with you – those whose values align with yours – those who follow the will of God – those who refuse to be ashamed of you – those who would never apologize for you.
There is a temptation to apologize for certain family members. I understand that. Believe me, I understand that! My contention is that you don’t need to – not to the outside world. The truth is every family is a work in progress. Yours is no different.
That family member who is currently an embarrassment to you may be the one who most needs your love and support. Who knows what God will do with them if they experience his unconditional love through you?!
I’ve been a pastor for thirty years. I’ve learned that there are no perfect families. That includes yours. So, no need to apologize.
Summary
- Know what you believe to be true!
- Know what your values are!
- Know what religious practices affirm your beliefs and values!
- Know who your true family is!
These are the things you should never apologize for!
