THE FEAR OF CONFLICT

Six Ways Jesus Dealt with Conflict

We didn’t have conflict in our house growing up. Dad was the boss and everyone obeyed him and we (kids) never dreamed of questioning him, let alone contradicting him. Children were meant to be seen, not heard. In that very efficient eco-system there was never any real reason to discuss things.

Conflict

 

Growing Up with Conflict

Growing up we learned to fall in line and obey Dad or suffer the consequences (and I was a fast learner).  Of course, you also learned some other things – like how to stuff your true feelings, and how to never speak up for yourself. In other words — plenty of internal conflict. And the biggest thing you did NOT learn was: How to have healthy external conflict.

 

Now I am a pastor of a church and deal with conflict on a weekly, if not daily basis. I still get that queasy feeling in my stomach whenever it happens. Anyone more than ten years my senior feels like they should be my Dad, and I’m not supposed to question them, much less go against them. So, how do you do it? How do you deal with the fear of conflict? How do you push through that fear and learn to have healthy conflict?

 

Jesus and Conflict

The writer of Hebrews says that Jesus experienced everything that we experience as human beings (Heb. 2:17; 4:15). Every lousy feeling, every temptation, every setback – as long as it’s not a sin – Jesus experienced it. And conflict is no exception. In fact, Jesus experienced conflict regularly.

 

The main foils to Jesus’ teachings in the New Testament were the Pharisees. Jesus and the Pharisees actually wanted the same thing: a pure and Holy people of God. They both felt that the quest for holiness would usher in the Kingdom of God. However, they disagreed on how Israel should achieve holiness.

 

The program of the Pharisees

The Pharisees believed that it would happen only when everyone in Israel agreed to follow the purity regulations of the Mosaic Law. So, they intensified their efforts. They wanted every person to follow, not just the normal purity laws meant for everyday people, but also the purity laws established for the priests. In this way, they would become a nation of priests and would usher in the Kingdom of God. 1

 

The program of Jesus

Jesus, too, wanted a nation of priests (1 Peter 2:9). Be holy (1 Peter 1:15), and be perfect (Mt. 5:48), were common refrains in the Old Testament, but Jesus used them as well. Jesus, however, believed that the way to purity and holiness was love. And Jesus, like the Pharisees, intensified his path to holiness. It wasn’t enough just to love God and neighbor – anyone could do that (Matt. 5:46-47) – Jesus called his disciples to love their enemies (Matt. 5:44). This radical love ethic, ultimately embodied in Jesus’ crucifixion, ushered in the Kingdom of God.

 

And so, Jesus and the Pharisees were in complete agreement on the goal but disagreed on how they were to get there. This caused no small amount of conflict. It was this conflict that would eventually lead to Jesus’ death.

 

How did Jesus handle the conflict?

The quest for holiness was a powder keg issue because it was a question that impacted both the religious and political realms. It was a question both of what God wanted from his people (religious) and how Israel would throw off the shackles of Rome (political). This placed the question into the great trifecta of conflict. There was a sharp disagreement on an issue with both high stakes and strong emotions.

 

Conflict happens when these three are present: sharp disagreement, high stakes, and strong emotion. 2

 

Sharp disagreement, high stakes, and strong emotions give birth to conflict.

 

Six Strategies Jesus Used for Dealing with Conflict

1. Jesus knew who he was and what he believed.

This was the hard work Jesus did on his wilderness retreats (Matt. 4:1; Luke 5:16). Jesus had a profound understanding of who he was (Matt. 3:17; John 10:30; 11:25), why he came (John 8:12; 10:10), and the specific work he came to do (Mark 1:38).

 

When you know who you are, what you were put on this earth to do, and exactly what you need to do in order to accomplish it, then you can stand against any conflict that gets in the way.

 

2. Jesus understood where the other person was coming from.

Part of this was natural to Jesus. He was born with a keen insight into the human condition (Mark 2:8; Luke 5:22). He could look into someone’s eyes and see goodness and sincerity (Mark 10:21). He could also see corruption (Matt. 23:13-38). He loved everyone – but love is sometimes tough. Jesus could be kind and caring, but he could also be tough. It all depended on what he saw in the person’s heart.

 

After you come to a deep understanding of your own heart, try to understand the other person’s heart.

 

3. Jesus saw the conflict as an opportunity, not an obstacle.

No matter how busy he was Jesus always took the time to explain. When his disciples didn’t understand something, he explained it to them (Mt. 13:36). When the Pharisees asked him a leading question, he responded by asking them a question. His question was meant to stump them – hopefully, to shift their thinking and get them to see a different perspective (Mk. 10:18). When a Pharisee came to him with sincere questions under the cover of night, Jesus explained (John 3:1-3).

 

We should always be ready to explain (1 Ptr. 3:15). When someone asks a question, even if it is to argue with you, view it as an opportunity to help them see your perspective. And do it with kindness.

 

4. Jesus trusted the ONE who is always right.

Jesus didn’t obsess about who was wrong. He lived confidently in the words God had given him (Jn. 14:10).

 

5. Jesus focused on his community.

At the end of the day, Jesus knew that he would not change the minds of most of the Pharisees. Some people believe what they believe and don’t want to be confused with the facts.

 

Eventually, a large number of Jewish priests would come to faith in Jesus (Acts 6:7), but, Jesus didn’t spend most of his time with the critics. He devoted most of his time to those who were on his side. He built a community with those who bought into his vision for the world (Jn 15:14-17).

 

6. Jesus submitted his agenda over to God’s agenda.

The night before his death, Jesus cried out to God, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done” (Lk. 22:42). He could pray that prayer in that awful moment only because he had lived it every day of his life. Jesus had no agenda, except the one his Father gave him (Jn 17:1-7).

 

When you come into a conflict with no agenda except what God wants, you can’t lose.

 

Jesus came to change the world. He is still changing the world by changing one heart at a time.