NAOMI: THE WIDOWED MOTHER

Living with Motherhood, Loss, and Grief

Motherhood is tough. Life isn’t always kind. Naomi was a loving mother who lost everything – her home, her husband and both her sons. Her fight to survive and her journey back to her roots is an epic saga that should inspire every mother who has suffered a terrible loss.

Widow Grieving

 

Naomi’s Story

[This story is taken from Ruth 1]

Elimelek, his wife Naomi, and their two sons were driven by famine to leave their home in Bethlehem and travel to the nearby land of Moab. They were immigrants, not by choice, but by necessity.

 

In Moab, their two sons married Moabite women, one named Orpah, the other, Ruth. Within ten years of arriving in Moab, disaster struck: Elimelek, and his two sons died. Naomi was left alone with her two daughters-in-law.

 

As a woman, Naomi had few money-making resources available. In the patriarchal structure, a woman who was not in some way attached to a man would soon find herself destitute and easy prey for unscrupulous men. The only safety net for women in this system was the extended family. A man – either a father, brother or new husband – would have to claim Naomi as his own and take her in, under the protection of his household. Naomi didn’t have this option in Moab.

 

Grief-stricken and alone her only hope for survival was to make the dangerous trek across the barren wilderness to her home village of Bethlehem in the hill country of Judah. Perhaps there she could find family members who would help.

 

Living with Motherhood, Loss, and Grief

Motherhood is tough enough without everything else life throws at you. When Jesus was eight days old his mother and father took him to the Temple at Jerusalem to be circumcised as the Law required. There was an old prophet at the temple named Simeon. He held the baby Jesus, blessed him and then said to Mary:

 

This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too” (Luke 1:34-35).

 

In other words, you are a mother now and it’s going to be an amazing journey in which sometimes you will be blessed beyond measure and other times you will suffer unimaginable pain!

 

Your heart – your very soul – is now irrevocably attached to this little human being. Good luck!

 

Five Stops on the Journey to Recovery

Naomi experienced her share of the “pierced heart syndrome” of motherhood. What can we learn from this brave and grief-stricken mother and her journey back to happiness?

1. Naomi clung to what she had left.

When Naomi lost her husband she clung to her sons and daughters-in-law. When she lost her sons she clung to all she had left – her daughters-in-law.

 

According to the Mosaic Law, when a woman lost her husband she had the right to return to the protection of her father’s household. Orpah and Ruth decided to forego that protection and stay with Naomi. They were her support and her treasure.

 

There is no shame in clinging to whatever support you have left after suffering terrible loss.

 

2. Naomi didn’t stay where she was.

Naomi heard that the famine in her homeland had passed. She made the brave decision to attempt the dangerous journey back home. She was not a young woman. This was a big risk.

 

When suffering loss clinging to the familiar is very important. But, isolating yourself is a great and dangerous temptation. It’s important, at some point, to get out of your comfort zone, and begin a journey back to old friendships and new vistas.

 

3. Naomi accepted help.

The most famous scene from this story is where Naomi begs her daughters-in-law to leave her on the journey and return home because she knows it is what is best for them. She uses logic to convince them. It is an amazing self-sacrificing act. It reveals the deep love Naomi has for her daughters-in-law – they are truly “daughters” to her in every sense of the word.

 

Orpah reluctantly obeys Naomi and tearfully leaves the scene. Ruth, however, stubbornly refuses. She offers Naomi this famous pledge –

 

Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me” (Ruth 1:16-17).

 

It is often read at weddings because it reveals a deep kindred relationship that goes beyond the biological – Ruth truly saw Naomi as her mother. She had a fierce loyalty to her that no “logic” could ever break.

 

But, here’s the big point – Naomi broke down and accepted Ruth’s help.

 

It’s so important in your time of unimaginable loss that you are willing to accept the help of those amazing, stubborn, loyal-to-the-death friends and family who will be by your side.

 

You were never meant to do this alone.

 

4. Naomi owned her emotional state.

When Naomi makes it back to Bethlehem everyone wants to know how she’s doing. She’s been gone for more than ten years. I’m sure the questions went something like this: How’s Elimenek? How are the kids? Any grandkids yet? Painful questions for the widow. Naomi is forced to relive it all.

 

Naomi was open and transparent. She said, “Don’t call me Naomi … Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter” (Ruth 1:20). The name “Naomi” means “my delight.” The name “Mara” means “bitterness.”

 

Naomi wanted to change her name to reflect her emotional state. She was raw and honest and real. She was feeling cheated by God and she wanted everyone to know it.

 

One of the hardest things about this kind of loss is that you can feel a horrible resentment toward God. The bitterness that can harden over your life can suffocate all future happiness.

 

Acknowledge your feelings. They are normal and natural. God can handle you questioning him. God can handle you venting at him. Go ahead — own your feelings.

 

5. Naomi embraced her “new normal.”

At some point, Naomi accepted her new normal. She settled into life in Bethlehem and turned her attention to mentoring and helping her daughter-in-law, Ruth.

 

Ruth married Boaz. Boaz was a good husband who provided for Ruth and Naomi. Ruth had a baby.  And, Naomi’s friends named him, Obed, which means “serving,” because he served Naomi by restoring happiness to her life (Ruth 4:17).

 

The story ends with a simple line – “Obed was the father of Jesse, who was the father of David” (Ruth 4:22).

 

Naomi would go down in history as the great, great grandmother of the greatest King in Israel’s history … not to mention, a direct ancestor of Jesus, the savior of the world!

 

Life can be hard. Motherhood is not for wimps. But, God knows the plans he has for you (Jer. 29:11).  And he will see you through to the end!

 

 

A Modern Day Naomi

In 1981, when she was 20 years old, Donna Engeman enlisted in the United States Army. While stationed in Germany, she met Long Island native John Engeman. They quickly fell in love and in February 1983 they married.

Months after the wedding, Donna, pregnant with their first child, a boy, and believing herself to be a better spouse than soldier, left the Army and returned to the states to raise Patrick.

John remained in the military and in January 2006, as part of Operation Iraqi Freedom, he was deployed to Baghdad. On May 14, 2006, an improvised explosive device detonated near his Humvee during a combat operation killing him and a fellow soldier.

Chief Warrant Officer John W. Engeman is buried in Arlington National Cemetery. Donna and John’s son, Patrick, is currently an Army major who has been deployed overseas four times.

Donna talks with their daughter, Nicole McKenna about John as a young husband and father.

[listening time = 2-minutes] 

 

 

 

DAY 5 –> BATHSHEBA: MISUNDERSTOOD MOM